Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
