Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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