it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
