Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize