i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
