My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize