sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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