Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize