Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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