Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
