i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
