Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
