Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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