he thought i was a dude.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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