I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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