Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
