Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
