Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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