i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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