He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
