I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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