You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
