She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
