I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize