I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
