Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
