So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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