smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
