I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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