Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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