I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
