yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Shame - the story of my life.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
