one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
pray to the hookup gods
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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