I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
