Your dad touched me again.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
