my mouth tastes like poor choices
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
