I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
