textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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