Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
