What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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