I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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