If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
