That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
