My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
