Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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