dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
