How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
