it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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