Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
