He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
