i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
