I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
