I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You are a genius and a whore.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
