I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
