So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
