this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
