I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
