All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
