i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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