You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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