So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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