i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
