You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
