My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize