what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize