New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I could have mohawked her pubes.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
