Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
