I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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