What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
