If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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