Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
