I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
