saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
